Teachers of Oppo:

"Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection" (itsalwayssteve) 09/10/2018 at 16:43 • Filed to: None

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What do you do if you feel a rumble of gas in class? I’m considering crop-dusting the little psychopath I mentioned the other day, because these feel like they won’t be noisy.

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benjrblant > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 09/10/2018 at 16:49

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This is the most important question asked on Oppo in days.

facw > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 09/10/2018 at 16:49

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I’m not a teacher, so I can say with great confidence that the thing to do is let one rip on an annoying kid and then blame them for it (compassionately, you can ask them if they need to go to the restroom or something) .

Unless you think it may be a shart, in that case, you definitely want to just try to hold it until you can take a break.

lone_liberal > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 09/10/2018 at 16:51

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Some of my high school teachers were notorious crop dusters. You could join their elite company. 

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 09/10/2018 at 16:52

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I’ve always wondered this. Not this specific issue, but if you are having a bad case of the shits as a teacher, what do you do?

You can’t exactly go sit on the shitter for half an hour. Same with being a bus driver and desperately needing a piss... you can’t just stop and go at the nearest starbucks.

WRXforScience > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 09/10/2018 at 16:56

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As a veteran teacher, I don’t hold back. The kids almost never think that I’m to blame, except for the one time an anticipated silent release trumpeted like revelry. If that happens, you either continue without breaking step or a short “oops” or “excuse me” is plenty.

Ash78, voting early and often > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 09/10/2018 at 17:00

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I usually pick three girls, point at them in succession, and say:  

“She don’t lie”

“She don’t lie”

“She don’t lie”

*squeak*

“Methane”

farscythe - makin da cawfee! > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 09/10/2018 at 17:01

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not a teacher... and lord knows im not above cropdusting people.... but ive had to learn to hold that shit in at work.....(mostly coz i wear an overall and the fart of least resistance turns out to be the collar...... it sucks... i want a desk job)

anyhoo my advice as a not a teacher is to cropdust the little twerp

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > WRXforScience 09/10/2018 at 17:03

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My issue here is that I look like (as Brian Posehn once said)  I’m made of farts. Like a bunch of farts put on a man costume and decided to spend a day out. 

WiscoProud > facw 09/10/2018 at 17:04

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I’m picturing an attempt to discreetly fart by the little psycho, then destructively shitting himself. 

Monkey B > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 09/10/2018 at 17:11

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when I substituted for the Vo-Tech district I was primarily used for male shop classes so I always let loose...mostly undetected.

Monkey B > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 09/10/2018 at 17:14

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own it...fuck it. Kids laugh at farts. Plus, you are in control of the room, so if you say “ wasn’t me” then that’s law. Then say no farting in class. 

Manwich - now Keto-Friendly > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 09/10/2018 at 17:19

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Well the reason why you’re farting is because you need to shit. 

What you need is a new teacher’s chair...

farscythe - makin da cawfee! > Ash78, voting early and often 09/10/2018 at 17:20

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*dies*

damn.... that might be dad joke of the year.... also i now have the song stuck in my head

Shamoononon drives like a farmer > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 09/10/2018 at 17:29

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On a similar note, I was once kicked out of class and made to sit in the hall because ‘It’s rude to disrupt the whole class with a fart’.  

CRider > Monkey B 09/10/2018 at 17:32

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Then say no farting in class.

This definitel y wo n’t back fire on you.

Chariotoflove > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 09/10/2018 at 17:36

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Do it and don’t say anything.  As long as you don’t say anything, you can’t get in trouble.  There will be no consequences.  Everybody has gas.

Monkey B > CRider 09/10/2018 at 17:47

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of course it won’t...they’ll fart more. Thus when you fart it’s on them. Rule still applies!

Mercedes Streeter > CRider 09/10/2018 at 17:48

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backfire 

Oh you. :)

shop-teacher > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 09/10/2018 at 17:50

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Dude, crop dust away!

shop-teacher > Ash78, voting early and often 09/10/2018 at 17:52

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Its too bad none of them will get the joke ... Not that that will stop me from using it.

beardsbynelly - Rikerbeard > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 09/10/2018 at 17:55

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I had a teacher who sharted in class and then forever had the nickname mrs brown. She quit not long after. kids are cruel.

shop-teacher > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 09/10/2018 at 17:56

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The first thing you do is look in the hall for another teacher to pull into the room and watch the kids.  Or if you’re really lucky, and you have an aide in the room, you can ask them to watch the kids. I did once have to call the office and ask for someone to come relieve me (pun intended!). Usually you just hold it. I had a close call this afternoon, actually.

Kiltedpadre > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 09/10/2018 at 17:57

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Not helpful to your situation, but my method while driving around two coworkers today was to turn on the child window locks and rip a good one.

Then when someone got out to visit a porta potty I parked the nose of the truck against the door so he couldn’t get out.

So naturally my advice is to dust the twerp.

shop-teacher > Shamoononon drives like a farmer 09/10/2018 at 17:58

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Seriously? Damn, I'm strick, but not that strick.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > shop-teacher 09/10/2018 at 18:02

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That sucks.  I guess now that I am a road adjuster (roadie we call them), I have to avoid shitting in one of my client’s toilets if possible.

CRider > Mercedes Streeter 09/10/2018 at 18:09

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f86sabre > shop-teacher 09/10/2018 at 18:22

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shop-teacher > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 09/10/2018 at 18:32

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That would be advisable.

Ash78, voting early and often > shop-teacher 09/10/2018 at 19:16

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Wait, you’re a shop teacher, right? Mine was a bit more sciency, but how about “Hey! No unauthorized rip cuts!”

“I think someone’s got a squeaky dado.”

/my woodworking/fart jokes are thin

shop-teacher > Ash78, voting early and often 09/10/2018 at 23:19

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The unauthorized rip cuts is good!

Yes, I am a shop teacher. Middle school shop to be precise.